My parents and I have been invited to have Easter dinner with an elderly lady and her divorced son!
I have a major problem with this because the son is a highly negative, opinionated, and angry individual who dominates the conversation on mostly negative topics of the day !  I get the distinctive impression that if one does not agree with him 100 % – this man is apt to storm out and ruin the festivities – as he has done this before! I always thought holiday gatherings were for partaking of plentiful food and good cheer ! Should I say something or cozy up to this person as my parents who wind up agreeing him because they want to seem NICE?  This man is anti-social….apparently he has gotten into heated arguments with many…….most definitely someone in need of Anger Management lessons!
My family and I have no other options!
Is there an effective way I can skirt around this situation or should I expect more of the same?
Please Advise!
Thanks!

My response was to Steve was …
I am going to assume that you have already considered the option of graciously declining the invitation on behalf of yourself and your parents.  So, since you have accepted the invitation and are going, there needs to be a strategy to handle the dinner so that your elderly woman friend and the three of you will enjoy your time together whether or not her son is present.  The easiest method I can suggest is the ability to smile, validate and change the subject graciously.  When you are engaged in conversation with this gentleman and the conversation is getting heated, validate his point by saying something such as, “That’s interesting, I never knew that. Now, on a completely different but one of MY favorite subjects, what is your favorite vacation destination?  I am considering taking some time off in a few months and going to the Caribbean. Do you have any favorite places you have visited?”  If he offers an opinion, listen, smile and thank him and then turn your attention back to your parents and your friend.  The less attention you pay him, the less importance his presence will have on the event.  Don’t ignore him, that would be rude. Include him in the conversation by asking his opinion. But once he has offered his “two-cents”, turn back to the others and ask for theirs so that he cannot monopolize the conversation.  You have to be very proactive as the “conductor” of the conversation “symphony”.  Keep this back and forth going with similar questions throughout the meal so he feels he is being paid attention to but you are not only paying attention to him.  Your parents and his mother are also part of the conversation.
Also, be sure to compliment him – a lot!  It is really hard to be angry at someone who is complimenting you and saying nice things about you.  I am sure you have heard the term, “kill him with kindness”.  That is what I am suggesting.  Don’t mirror his negativity. Instead encourage him to mirror your positivity.  Say only things to him about him that are upbeat and positive.  It will be surprising to you how he will either be quieter or more positive himself.  Usually people who show themselves as negative, verbose, and dominating are that way because they don’t think people like them.  Pretend you do like him.  See what happens.

I hope your experiment works – it couldn’t hurt.

 Since Great Britain has a Head of Government as well as a Head of State, we host State Dinners for both.

The official White House announcement:

President Obama and the First Lady will welcome Prime Minister David Cameron of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and his wife, Samantha Cameron, to the White House for an Official Visit with a State Dinner on March 13-14, 2012.

The visit will highlight the fundamental importance of the U.S.-U.K. special relationship and the depth of the friendship between the American people and the people of the United Kingdom, as well as the strong personal bond that has developed between the two leaders and their families.

It will also be an opportunity to recall the valor and sacrifice of the U.S. and British armed forces and their long tradition of standing shoulder-to-shoulder beside each other in defense of our liberties and shared values.

The visit will underscore the strength of our economic links, which contribute to millions of jobs on both sides of the Atlantic. The Prime Minister’s visit will reciprocate the gracious hospitality shown to the President and Mrs. Obama by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, and the British people during the State Visit that was hosted by Queen Elizabeth II in May 2011.

During the visit, the President and the Prime Minister are expected to discuss the upcoming NATO and G-8 summits, as well as the broad array of global issues on which the United States and the United Kingdom cooperate closely in order to advance our common values and shared interests, including: Afghanistan, the Middle East, Iran, human rights, and global economic stability and growth.

They will also review progress in the implementation of the various initiatives launched during the President’s State Visit to the U.K. last year.

This year The Lett Group will continue to offer our Managing Protocol Issues and Boardroom Polish public registration seminars in the DC area.  AND… we have a new public program we call Casting Your Net. It is a two-hour seminar and one-hour party focused on the Why, When, Where, and How of Networking. 

Of course, our main focus will continue to be offering our expertise and training to international and domestic companies and their employees which are committed to customer service, cross-cultural communication, employee retention and development and building the best at-work communities in which their employees and clients enjoy their business relationships.   We will continue to be available to travel  to your site, welcome you to Washington, DC or Philadelphia, Pennsylvania or work with you on-line, on Skype or through Facebook.

There are several other new programs we will roll -out separately because they are SO BIG they deserve their own post and announcement.

We are grateful for your continuing interest in The Lett Group and our programs, books and materials. I, Bob Frye, Ellen Shackelford, Sue Abrams, Arnold Sanow, Dr. Mark Munoz, Marva Goldsmith and Trevor Gatty look forward to meeting and working with you this year. 

We wish you Happiness, Prosperity and most of all Good Health!

For women:  Don’t wear all black.  Even if you look fabulous in all black, men won’t remember you. That’s because all the other women will be wearing black too.  After all, it makes us look thinner.. Wear a bright stand out color like red, yellow or green!  Then you will be the women in the red dress or the woman with the great green and yellow jacket when he asks his buddy who that woman was who he was talking with by the punch bowl.  After all, he will be like most of us and won’t remember your name, just “something” about you. 

Also: Don’t go strapless.  When you sit down at a table to eat, you will look naked to the people across the table from you since they won’t see you from the chest down.

For everybody:  Holiday parties are not the places to gossip about other companies or other employees, complain about your workload or your boss or your boss’s boss, brag about what you are doing over the break (remember times are still tough for most  people and they may not be able to afford to do anything but watch television), lobby for a raise or promotion, drink more than one drink, kiss a co-worker, proposition a co-worker (sexual harassment applies), eat like you haven’t eaten in a week, take food home (looks like you can’t afford to shop for yourself), stand on furniture, tell off-color jokes,  or talk business.

Holiday parties are the place to meet employees including executives in higher positions whom you have never met before. Introducing yourself to others whom you have spoken with only by phone to put your face with your voice. They are the place to learn about what your fellow co-workers enjoy in their personal time.  They are the time to share your experiences with others when you learn you have common interests.  They are the time to introduce yourself to executives from other departments and learn about what you might have in common so that they will remember you when you next come into contact.  It is a time to relax and enjoy the music, the decorations of the season, the atmosphere and opportunity to show you are human and interesting away from what you do as an employee. Share your off-time passions.Perhaps you are an avid skier, so try to find another skier in the group. If you are a theater goer, so perhaps you could find another employee who shares that interest and talk about what plays you have seen recently.  Maybe you are a foodie. Getting a recommendation from a fellow employee whom you have never met before of a great new restaurant in town could be worth the time spent at the party.  Whatever your interest, there will be someone there who probably shares it and your time could be spent finding out who that is.

Keep in mind that holiday parties that are sponsored by your company or by any company are still business occasions and your responsibility is to treat them as you would any business appointment.  Be professional and mindful that you will be watched and judged and remembered on Monday morning by how you behaved Friday evening.

Enjoy the Season!

Facebook: 24%

Phone: 16%

Text message:11%

Email: 5%

Other: 2%

I am hoping the rest would actually walk up to the other person and ask face-to-face but who knows?

When they asked, “Have you ever broken up via text message, email or Facebook?” the results were:

Yes: 33%

No: 67%

The next question was, “Would you ever?” and the answer was:

Yes:40%

No: 60%

———————————–

I am noticing that the people who ask me the questions about “how to talk with others” and “when to have difficult conversations” are getting younger and younger.  Social media outlets are so prevalent, so accessible and so acceptable to a growing faction of society that they are top of mind when many think – “How should I say this to him? or her?” Because we know that the other person is waiting for the next text message or Facebook message and will immediately “hear” what we have to tell them, it has become more acceptable to use these media when the telephone or face-to-face encounter would be better.  But even though these electronic media are more acceptable, none of the people with whom I have spoken have ever said they thought being broken up with by text was a good thing.  To a one, they have shared that they felt the other person was cowardly and a good riddance since they would do such a thing to someone with whom they shared a caring relationship.

I would be interested in hearing what you think.

7 Unwritten Rules Of Social Media

July 21, 2011

Social media seems easy especially because the barrier to entry is low. You can be up and running on any social media platform in minutes, and usually for free. In reality, social media is hard for exactly the same reason. When the barrier to entry is low, the barrier to attention is high.

The fundamental path to succeeding with social media is to consistently contribute meaningfully—engaging with you should make the lives of those engaging more meaningful. The bonus would be to achieve this without adding costs to the others.

As you think through your social media strategy, here are seven unwritten rules of social media.

1. Connection does not imply permission

Many social networks make it easy for you to connect with anyone. You can follow someone on Twitter, Quora or Google Plus without needing their permission to do that. A small percentage of them might follow you back. If they do, you have a two-way connection. Don’t confuse the two-way connection as permission to interrupt them. You need to build a relationship and there is no shortcut for that.

2. Access does not imply entitlement

When you connect with someone on a social network and start engaging with them, you have access. Don’t assume that they owe you something because you are now engaging them on social media.

3. Activity is not productivity

The barrier to create content on a social network is virtually non-existent. This means that you can write whatever you want irrespective of whether it makes sense or not. You can get extremely busy with social media— trying to post anything and everything. In your enthusiasm to share, you might drop the quality of what you share and that’s when the problem starts—people will silently start to ignore you.

4. More is not better

When what you write about is a hit for some reason, you tend to end up doing more of it on social media forgetting that everything has a lifecycle of its own. What’s hot today may not stay hot tomorrow and what’s hot tomorrow may not stay hot. So trying to do more of what works does not guarantee success—you need to adapt all the time.

5. Reciprocation is optional

Don’t do anything with an expectation that someone will reciprocate back. Equal actions don’t create equal impact on social media. Say you have a 1,000 followers and you share something from another person who has 10,000 followers. Expecting him to share something from you would mean you are expecting someone to give back ten times of what you gave them.

6. Amplification without accomplishment is futile

Social media is a great amplifier. But fundamentals of mathematics are always at play. You can multiply zero with anything and the result will still be zero. You need relevant accomplishments as the foundation and social media can help amplify them. Sans accomplishments, it’s hard to amplify. Unless your business is to make money with social media, you have to get out of social media and spend time on building some meaningful accomplishments. Once you have them, you can use those to extend your influence using social media.

7. Engagement without enrichment is not effective

You are only as rich as the enrichment you bring to the world around you. When you enrich someone, you make their life more meaningful—at home or at work or in both places. Social media provides an excellent opportunity enrich people’s lives. Engagement for the sake of engagement can only make you get tired. Engage with an intention to enrich and you will not only win with social media but also makes this world a better place.

Image credit: Totally How To

Rajesh Setty is an entrepreneur, author and speaker based in Silicon Valley. He also creates and sells limited-edition prints at Sparktastic. You can follow him on Twitter at @rajsetty.

Because Social Media is driven by the written word, you can learn more about how to write for business results here.

(CareerBuilder.com) — If you’re cursing at work, be careful. While it’s commonplace to curse once in a while and may even help you build a bond with co-workers, there’s a fine line to when and how you curse.

“We are being judged constantly by our co-workers for how we do our work and how we interact with them,” says etiquette expert Cynthia Lett. “Cursing is an aggressive and hostile way of expressing oneself.”

Companies where employees are constantly in front of customers are especially harsh when it comes to foul language — employees caught cursing can be in trouble. Not sure where you stand when it comes to cursing? Here’s how foul language at work can impact your career:

Reveal an unprofessional attitude

In some professions cursing is accepted and can even help you fit in to an environment, perhaps in high-pressure jobs where everyone needs to let off some steam. Constantly using foul language, however, can make it difficult to fit into a professional environment, says Jennifer Kahnweiler, author of “The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength.”

“Perceptions are important in shaping your career — you don’t want to be seen as that foul-mouthed person,” she says. Be especially careful about your language when surrounded by several co-workers at once — such as during meetings or when working in teams.

Prevent real communication

Using curse words over and over again can prevent you from truly communicating what you’re trying to say. Instead of cursing, take the time to figure out how to let your co-workers understand what you’re really thinking. Even if you’re angry or upset, take time to develop a professional communication strategy. “Cursing is an aggressive and hostile way of expressing one’s self,” Lett says.

Furthermore it can create a distance between you and the others in your department because it makes others uncomfortable. “When people are uncomfortable around someone they avoid them whenever possible,” she explains.

Hamper your image

Similar to a disheveled appearance or tardiness, foul language can impact the way you’re perceived by others in the workplace. Even if you do great work, cursing can have an impact on your ability to get promoted or get better job responsibilities.

“You need to be aware of how you present yourself to your co-workers, superiors and clients,” says Suzanne Lucas, a writer and human resources expert. “Swearing when books get dropped on your toes or the copier dies on you is one thing, peppering your daily conversation with expletives is another.”

Repercussions from human resources

Just because no one in your department comments on your use of foul language, doesn’t mean it’s going unnoticed. In some instances it can be reported to human resources with an official warning.

Sometimes it can even get you fired. “Someone who works customer facing [roles] — such as retail or sales or call centers — would be fired for swearing, as it’s not appropriate with a customer,” Lucas says.

Of course not everyone gets fired. And as you evaluate your behavior, cursing once in a while is no cause for alarm. “We all get angry and frustrated and using a curse word can be the best release available,” says Kahnweiler. “Just be aware that this language shouldn’t become your M.O. or you could be seen as lacking self control.”

© CareerBuilder.com 2010. All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority.

On-Air Interview with Cynthia Lett and Andi Marshall of KFWB News/Talk 980

By Dawn Klingensmith
CTW Features

In business, there are certain types of favors that require more than sincere thanks in return.

Jodi Glickman calls this extra step “closing the loop,” or letting the person who helped you know how things turned out.

Especially when she sticks her neck out for people, Glickman, founder of the Chicago-based communication training firm Great on the Job, expects an update. But she also would have liked to know whether a young family friend got accepted into college after she helped him with his essays, since she had invested time and shared in the young man’s excitement.

Failing to close the loop is not just bad form but potentially puts relationships and prospects at risk. Glickman says she’ll think “long and hard” before doing her young friend another favor.

People appreciate recognition and follow-through. No matter the outcome, share what happened, she advises.

Perhaps the young essayist did not get accepted and was embarrassed. Yet he might have written: “While I’m disappointed, I do appreciate all your help. I am still waiting to hear from my second choice and will keep you informed.”

A recommendation certainly requires follow-up. So, too, does a professional introduction.

“With email and social media, I think introductions seem so easy now that sometimes referrals aren’t seen as significant,” says Brandi Britton, a Los Angeles-based district president for the staffing firm Robert Half International.

Depending on the type of introduction, a thank-you note and updates via e-mail may suffice; however, “If someone puts you in touch with a decision maker, a good old-fashioned handwritten note is a nice touch,” she adds.

There’s an on-the-books etiquette rule regarding introductions that makes certain no one is left out of the loop, at least not initially.

“If geographically possible, when you treat the new person to lunch or coffee, you invite the person who introduced you to that first meeting,” says Cynthia Lett, director and CEO of the Lett Group, a business protocol consulting firm in Silver Spring, Md.

Afterward, thank both individuals within 48 hours, Lett says.

A follow-up note need not be more than three sentences:

* Explaining why you’re writing (“Thanks for introducing me to John”);

* What happened or is going to happen (“I sent him my resume at his request”);

* And a positive future intent (“I’ll let you know what happens next” or “I’d like to treat you to lunch to show my thanks”).

If you are seeking more information about communications skills check out Communications Skills – What Everyone Needs To Know