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Bullying is a problem in the workplace, too

  • Article by: FRAN SEPLER
  • July 4, 2012 – 4:35 PM

The woman flinched at her workstation when she saw that her coworker had returned from break. It was going to start again, and she knew it would take just moments to return to a state of clammy, sick fear.

“You’re an ugly b–h,” her coworker said, in a stage whisper. Some who overheard it giggled. Others turned away. It doesn’t take long, working with a bully, to understand that speaking up might put you in line to be the next target.

While the long-overdue topic of school bullying is finally getting its due, let’s not pretend that it stops there. Workplace bullying is a serious problem in America. Studies from the Workplace Bullying Institute suggest that an estimated 54 million Americans have been bullied at work.

The mere volume, however, as well as the schoolyard language to describe the behavior, understates the seriousness of bullying and its effect on working men and women.

I recently spoke with a man who tried for five years to complain about abusive treatment from his boss. He routinely was the target of shouted criticism, name-calling, having his pay docked for imagined infractions, and nearly daily threats of termination for no reason. With only a high school diploma in a failing economy, he felt he had no choice but to stay on the job and to try to get help.

When one day the verbal bullying turned to physical intimidation, he simply walked out. A year later, he has no job and a serious case of depression. He has attempted suicide twice. No one will hire someone who walked off their job.

When discussing this instance in training and public speaking, I am asked why he didn’t file a legal claim. This lands us square in the paradox of workplace bullying. While harassing someone on the basis of their race, age, religion, sex or other identity is considered a violation of civil rights, there is no similar protection if the harassment is not related to identity.

Thirty-six states, including Minnesota, have considered bills to allow bullied employees to make claims similar to victims of protected-class harassment, but employers have objected, often on the ground that employees could claim harassment any time they were subjected to legitimate performance management or discipline. With 25 years of workplace consulting under my belt, I think this is a bit disingenuous. Performance management is about helping someone to do their job. Bullying is about grinding someone down until they can’t do their job and get fired or quit.

Bullying is getting worse. As our ability to civilly disagree about matters of the day declines, resulting in demonization, hyperbolic name-calling and shunning, treating people in uncivil and dehumanizing ways becomes more routine. One who “flames” on the Internet may carry that habit into the workplace. Furthermore, employers are running lean, with a reduced workforce, more stress, greater financial pressure and the knowledge that few workers can just walk away from a job without jeopardizing their survival.

In the past year, I have heard of a manager tossing work in the face of an employee, coworkers sabotaging their colleagues’ work and malicious rumors being spread to keep a colleague from being promoted. I have also seen the “silent treatment” and name-calling transform confident, capable human beings into victims.

The time has come for employers who have not declared their workplaces to be bully-free to do so. Even if the law does not require it, many employers of goodwill know that bullying does nothing for their employment brand, their retention or their productivity.

Antibullying policies and attendant education are essential for the kind of workplace that is a haven from the rancor of our political and social divides. The courts are smart enough to know the difference between a tough performance review and a vicious attack. Responsible employers do as well.

As we take necessary steps to protect our children from bullying in schools, let’s ensure that, when they move on to the workplace, they remain free of this awful scourge.

Fran Sepler is a human-resource consultant in Minneapolis.

 

Need more information on managing conflict in the workplace? Visit this website…

http://www.selfpresentations.com/managing-conflict-at-work/

8 Ways To Get Along With Everyone in 2011

By Arnold Sanow – Associate

To get along and build rapport, relationships and connections with customers and co-workers here are 8 key ways to get everyone singing your praises!

* Accept Other Points of View

Be open to accepting other points of view. Our tendency in many situations is to immediately become defensive when someone does not agree with us or sees the world in the same perspective as us. Look at opposing points of view as an asset and not a liability. As Steven Covey states, “focus on understanding others first than trying to have others understand you”

*Focus on Issues, not Personalities

Many people unknowingly use trigger words that can disable a conversation and may ultimately destroy a relationship. Such words as, dumb, stupid, unprofessional and poor attitude criticize the person and not the content of their ideas or specific actions. Instead of saying, “Your idea is dumb” you might say, “your solution will
cost an extra $50,000 which we don’t have.

*Communicate Clearly

Clearly communicate your ideas so that others understand. Being able to get your ideas across in a clear and concise manner is one of the most important and sought after skills. Always ask questions such as, “Am I making any sense?” or “Do you understand what I am saying”? Also, make sure you paraphrase what you have said and if you see blank or confusing faces check for understanding.

* Don’t Create Nonverbal Drama

Your body language has many different connotations. For example, shaking one’s head, turning away from the group, shoulder shrugging, groaning, rolling eyes,yawning and sleeping can all send the wrong message. It’s not what you say, but how you show it and say it that counts.

* Thank People

One of the most overlooked words in the English language is “Thank you”. Make sure you always thank people for their efforts and contributions. It’s not just important to value people, but make sure they KNOW you value them.

* Admit Mistakes

The six most important words in the English language are, “I admit I made a Mistake”

* Share Yourself

Share your ideas, opinions and be open to sharing yourself. Sometimes this may  feel risky but in the long run people will feel closer and more comfortable with you.It also makes them feel more comfortable in divulging information about themselves.


· Be Interested vs. Interesting

Besides being the key to popularity, you also learn a lot about others and how to communicate with them.

Arnold Sanow is a Speaker, Seminar Leader, Facilitator and Coach. He is the author of “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere”

www.lettgroup.com/about/arnold-sanow/

www.arnoldsanow.com -

speaker@arnoldsanow.com

The Power of Etiquette

The Power of Etiquette

More business is lost by faux pas than you may realize. Learn the skills that will take you to the highest level of achievement.  We will be your coach.

Etiquette in business is much more than knowing which fork to use when dining or how to greet clients when at lunch. To be sure you don’t get embarrassed in business you really should consider learning the skills needed to present yourself as a professional and be taken seriously.

We have a wealth of information available to you here on our website.  Feel free to browse our articles; whether you are looking for Australian etiquette, first impressions, or table manners, we will keep you informed, knowledgeable, and up-to-date.

Meet Cynthia Lett

Meet Cynthia Lett

Cynthia Lett is currently the only etiquette & protocol expert holding both the Certified Etiquette Professional (CEP) and Certified Protocol Professional (CPP) in the world.  These are designations earned by examination through the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals.  Since 1983, her expertise has been as a professional consultant in Business & Social Etiquette, Business & Social Entertaining, International Protocol and Executive Communications Skills and International Meeting Planning.

She has been a seminar speaker and coach around the world – teaching and advising on these subjects.  She offers private and corporate consultation and seminars on the power skills necessary to compete in the international business arena. Clients include major universities, Fortune 500 companies, international associations and savvy professionals from all levels of the corporate ladder. She taught the Masters level course, “Business Protocol” for the George Washington University, Elliott School of International Affairs for seven years.

Ms. Lett is the principal of The Lett Group (www.lettgroup.com) and the founder and Executive Director of the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals (www.ispep.org) . She is the host of It’s APROPOS!- an Internet talk show on the Success Channel at www.successtalk.com.  Her blogs are fromthedeskofcynthialett.com and etiquettepro.wordpress.com.  Her new non-profit foundation, Etiquette in School Foundation has the mission of bringing etiquette training back to the classroom as part of the syllabus rather than as an after-school activity for Kindergarten through High School.  The websitewww.etiquetteinschool.org will be active after the first of the year. Ms. Lett is a regular on-air contributor to Fox News Channel, Fox Business Channel, Retirement Living Channel and various radio talk shows nationwide. As a frequent contributor to trade and business publications she ranks as one of the most widely quoted etiquette and protocol experts in the United States of America.

Since 1983 and still- Ms. Lett is PRESIDENT & OWNER of Creative Planning International (www.creativeplanning.com) – a consulting firm specializing in producing meetings and events for corporations and associations internationally.  In this capacity Ms. Lett has planned over 2,400 meetings of 5-4,000 participants for corporations and associations in 102 countries. In 1987 she produced a training program for other meeting planners in how to plan international meetings.  She has been featured and quoted in publications such as The Washington Post, The Washington Times, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Newsweek (US and Japan issues), The Age Education Magazine,  Office.com,  Prime Life, FSB: Corporate Gift-Giving 101,  Meetings & Conventions,  The Business Journal,  SGMP NATCAP,  Pioneer Living (A made for PBS special), Phone + Magazine,  and not to forget Entrepreneur Magazine,  The Harvard Business Review,  Ohio Business Review,  Training and Development Journal,  CIO Magazine and others.  During 1990, Ms. Lett was lauded by the Wall Street Journal after she planned and executed a groundbreaking series of Business Exchange meetings in the Soviet Union for entrepreneurs from the United States who wished to learn about joint ventures with the Soviets in many different fields.  Some of Creative Planning International’s clients have included Wall Street Journal, A. T. & T., MCI Telecommunications Corporation, Eli Lilly and Company, U.S.Department of State, McKinsey and Company, McDonalds International, Duracell International, Security Pacific among others.

For two years, Ms. Lett served as Director of Meeting Services for American Healthcare Institute responsible for over 1800 meetings each year. Thereafter, she worked for three years as Chief of Protocol and Manager, Corporate Events and Meetings at MCI Communications Corporation.  For the past twenty three years, she has been a frequent speaker at various association conventions and local association meetings on the subjects of International Protocol and Business Etiquette.

Her first book was a collaboration with Brian Tracy (marketing guru) and Stephen A. Covey (business acumen guru) called Mission Possible. Her next books titled “Lett’s Talk! – Etiquette Dilemmas and How to Resolve Them” and   “That’s So Annoying! – Everyone’s Pet Peeves about Everyone Else” will be out this coming Spring.

Ms. Lett holds a Master of Legal Studies (MLS) (Hospitality Law) degree from Antioch School of Law, Washington, D.C. and Bachelor degrees in Restaurant, Hotel, & Institutional Management (B.S) and Public Relations (B.A.) from Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana. She has also earned a certificate in Adult Learning Techniques from The George Washington University.

Professionally, Ms. Lett is an active member of the American Society for Training and Development; National Speakers Association; National Speakers Association- Washington, DC Chapter; Women Business Owners;; and past member of the Professional Convention Management Association; American Society of Association Executives; Foundation for International Meetings (Board of Governors 1986-1987). She was elected into Who’s Who of American Women; Who’s Who of Advertising Executives; 2000 Notable American Women; Who’s Who of the World’s Women; Who’s Who of U.S. Executives and Who’s Who of the World.

In September, 2007, Ms. Lett was honored by her alma-mater, Purdue University, Department of Hotel & Tourism Management by being chosen as a Distinguished Darden Professor.

Watch for our new projects:

On-line webinars covering various aspects of business acumen and business etiquette. Included will be Disability Etiquette, Procrastination, Networking Experts and The Etiquette of Religion®