You go to lunch with a colleague. Everything is good. When the waiter puts the bill on the table, the total is $26.

Do you pick it up? Do you wait and hope he does? Or do you suggest you split it?

On the surface, this is a minor decision. But in truth, it is one of a million chances you’ve had, have, and will have to become wealthier.

A cheapskate might look at it this way:

If I pay the whole bill, I’ll be $26 poorer. If we split the bill, I’ll be $13 poorer. If I can get him to pay it, I’ll be $13 richer.

To the cheapskate, the best decision is obvious. So when the bill arrives, he gets up to “go to the bathroom,” hoping he’ll be $13 richer when he returns.

But I have a different view. Wealth building, like quantum mechanics, often operates according to laws that seem contrary to what is “obvious.”

Paying the tab, in other words, might actually make you richer. Because the $13 you spend on your lunch partner might give you a return of much more than $13.

Your generosity might signal to him that you are the kind of person he can trust. It might tell him you are someone who is willing to give first without demanding recompense. If he sees you in that light, a relationship might be seeded by this small investment on your part. A year later – it is possible to imagine – he might recommend you for a promotion when he himself gets promoted to head up your department.

It depends on your assessment of his character.

If he impresses you as a person who believes – as you do – in reciprocity, you will know that the $13 is a wise investment. If, on the other hand, he shows you that he is a person who believes in exploiting others, the wise move might be to pay only your share of the bill and not develop the relationship any further.

In either case, you are richer.

In the first case, you are richer in a potentially lucrative business relationship. In the second case, you are richer in knowledge – knowledge about him that can help you avoid trouble or seize opportunity in the future.

I am making two points: First, almost every event in your life is an opportunity for you to become richer. And second, by seeing every situation as a wealth-building opportunity, you can take the actions that will gradually make you very rich.

The people I call “instinctive wealth builders” understand this on a gut level. They see every transaction – social, personal, or business – as a wealth-related opportunity. They are always angling, even subconsciously, to increasetheir wealth.

Most of us aren’t born with that instinct. For us, a casual conversation is just a casual conversation. And choosing to join a club or hire or fire an employee is that and nothing more.

But the moment we put this principle into practice, we see the world very differently. Its potential is no longer limited. It is enormous, maybe even infinite. And we view every action we engage in as a chance – big or small – to increase or diminish our wealth.

Train yourself to ask the following four questions – keeping in mind that every situation, big or small, is an opportunity for you to become richer…

Look at every situation you find yourself in as an opportunity to make yourself richer. And I do mean every situation, even the most mundane. This includes:

Some of your opportunities will be small and some large. But by asking yourself these four questions first, you will bring your batting average way up…

If you make it a habit to approach every situation this way, it will soon become automatic. And before you know it, you will have seized hundreds – even thousands – of wealth-building opportunities… each one making you a littler richer.

To build rapport, relationships and to connect with customers, co-workers family and friends it’s important to watch what you say and how you say it. Poor conversation skills can derail teams, cause leaders to lose respect, destroy customer relationships, lose sales, and demolish friendships. Here are 12 things to avoid in your conversations.

1. Gossiping – By constantly gossiping about others you lose trust and respect.

2. Talking too long about yourself- A good conversation is a 2 way street. By asking open ended questions and showing interest in others they will show interest in you. Remember the #1 key to popularity is to be ‘interested, not just interesting.’

3. Talking about Sex, Politics and Religion – Don’t assume that everyone has the same opinion about everything that you do. Talking about these can make others feel uncomfortable and can cause them to reject you or your ideas.

4. Interrupting – When you interrupt others, sensitivity, rapport and commitment are killed.

5. Bragging- (This is different from promoting your achievements).It’s annoying to many people if you constantly talk about all the great things you have done, name drop and show one-upmanship.

6. Being Critical of Others who have Different Opinions – Everyone was raised differently, comes from different backgrounds and sees the world from their unique perspective. This is a sure way to turn people away from you.

7. Arguing – The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

8. Ingratitude – Always show appreciation for what others say or do. Even if they have some concern about you, thank them for sharing that with you. If you want to be appreciated, show appreciation.

9. Using Unfamiliar Terminology- If people don’t understand what you are talking about they will lose interest in the conversation. Get rid of jargon and your ‘million dollar’ words and stick to the ‘fifty cent’ words that everyone understands.

10. Not Listening – You have 2 ears and one mouth. People love people who listen to them.

11. Complaining – People like others who are in good spirits. People avoid constant complainers. Also watch out about talking about illness or an operation in detail.

12. Not Admitting Mistakes – The six most important words in the English language, “I admit I made a mistake.” If you make an error always apologize.

To make all of your conversations positive, the next time you greet someone treat them as if they are your best friend that you have not seen in years. You want everyone to feel good about themselves after they talked to you!

For more information on communicating better click here.

When you can spend an hour or two (for me it’s more like 3 hours) a day reading, answering, deleting, ignoring and categorizing your e-mails, it is more important than ever that you use your time to wisely handle the impression  you give others through your electronic missives.  Our e-mails are more often than not the first impression we have of someone who would like to sell something to us, buy something from us or make a worthy connection to us.  While you can’t control what others send to you, properly handling your e-mail correspondence sets the impression you give to others. 

All over the internet there are “How-to” and “What-not-to-do” lists about handling e-mail but it is still a frequent question we receive from acquaintances and clients alike.   Here are 10 reminders to keep in mind.

What is this e-mail explosion? Was there a point in time when the entire world decided to use the Internet as their business communication tool of choice?  Are there rules for managing these messages and being a professional and polite user of electronic mail?  There are, but not everyone has gotten the word.

1. Omitting The Subject Line. 

We are way past the time when we didn’t realize the significance of the subject line.  It makes no sense to send a message that reads “no subject” and seems to be about nothing.  Given the huge volume of e-mail that each person receives, the subject header is essential if you want your message read any time soon. The subject line has become the hook.

2. Not Making Your Subject Line MeaningfuL. 

Your header should be pertinent to your message, not just “Hi” or “Hello.” The recipient is going to decide the order in which he reads e-mail based on who sent it and what it is about. Your e-mail will have lots of competition.

3. Failing To Change The Header To Correspond With The Subject. 

For example, if you are writing your web publisher, your first header may be “Web site content.” However, as your site develops and you send more information, label each message for what it is, “contact info,” “graphics,” or “home page.” Don’t just hit “reply” every time. Adding more details to the header will allow the recipient to find a specific document in his/her message folder without having to search every one you sent. Start a new message if you change the subject all together.

4. Not Personalizing Your Message To The Recipient. 

E-mail is informal but it still needs a greeting. Begin with “Dear Mr. Broome,” “Dear Jim,” “Hello Jim,” or just “Jim.” Failure to put in the person’s name can make you and your e-mail seem cold.  Remember, too, that e-mail is not a memo, it is still mail, similar to what you would send by post but much, much quicker and less expensive.

5. Not Accounting For Tone. 

When you communicate with another person face to face, at least 65% of the message is non-verbal.  E-mail has no body language. The reader cannot see your face or hear your tone of voice so choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. Put yourself in the other person’s place and think how your words may come across in Cyberspace.

6. Forgetting To Check For Spelling And Grammar.

In the early days of e-mail, someone created the notion that this form of communication did not have to be letter perfect. Wrong. It does. It is a representation of you. If you don’t check to be sure e-mail is correct, people will question the caliber of other work you do. Use proper capitalization and punctuation, and always check your spelling. Remember that your spellchecker will catch misspelled words, but not misused ones. It cannot tell whether you meant to say “from” or “form,” “for” or “fro”, “he” or “the.”

7. Writing The Great American Novel.

E-mail is meant to be brief. Keep your message short. Use only a few paragraphs and a few sentences per paragraph. People skim their e-mail so a long missive is wasted. If you find yourself writing an overly long message, pick up the phone or call a meeting.

8. Forwarding E-Mail Without Permission.

Most everyone is guilty of this one, but think about it. If the message was sent to you and only you, why would you take responsibility for passing it on? Too often confidential information has gone global because of someone’s lack of judgment.  Unless you are asked or request permission, do not forward anything that was sent just to you.

9. Thinking That No One Else Will Ever See Your E-Mail. 

Once it has left your mailbox, you have no idea where your e-mail will end up. Don’t use the Internet to send anything that you couldn’t stand to see on a billboard on your way to work the next day.  Use other means to communicate personal or sensitive information.

10. Leaving Off Your Signature. 

Always close with your name, even though it is included at the top of the e-mail, and add contact information such as your phone, fax and street address.  The recipient may want to call to talk further or send you documents that cannot be e-mailed. Creating a formal signature block with all that data is the most professional approach.

11. Expecting An Instant Response.

Not everyone is sitting in front of the computer with e-mail turned on.  The beauty of Internet communication is that it is convenient.  It is not an interruption. People can check their messages when it suits them, not you.  If your communication is so important that you need to hear back right away, use the phone.

12. Completing The “To” Line First. 

The name or address of the person to whom you are writing is actually the last piece of information you should enter. Check everything else over carefully first.  Proof for grammar, punctuation, spelling and clarity.  Did you say what needed to be said? How was your “tone of voice”?  If you were the least bit emotional when you wrote the e-mail, did you let it sit for a period of time? Did you include the attachment you wanted to send? If you enter the recipient’s name first, a mere slip of the finger can send a message before its’ time.  You can never take it back.

E-mail makes everything easier and faster including making a powerful business impression and establishing positive professional relationships. The businessperson who uses the technology effectively and appropriately will see the results of that effort reflected in the bottom line.

He earned those badges with guidance from scout leaders who were teaching them.  Now for the purpose of this post…. before he left to return home, he went around the camp and personally thanked each Scout leader who helped him and each camp staff member who helped him or served him while he was there.  I heard from the leaders upon return that they were very impressed by him and SO appreciated that he told them “thank you”.  Each shared that they rarely receive the appreciation and it meant a lot to them.  Additionally, they each had positive feedback about my son in many other areas how they like to be around him.  My experience is that if you treat people with respect and gratitude, they will have a positive impression about all you do.  At 14, I am so proud and grateful that my son has learned good manners and uses them when not even reminded.  He will be more successful in his relationships his whole life since he practices active gratitude.  What a source of pride for his etiquette professor mother!

All of the major email programs have a way to set up your signature once and then you don’t have to think about it again.

Even my iPhone lets me do this.  So please, when you send an email, include a signature with all of your basic information so I (and others) may respond in a timely manner!  If we didn’t have to look it up, we will be friendlier on the other end of the phone as well.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/jul/29/local-rudeness-irritating-even-the-french/

“Cleavage” is Biggest Pet Peeve of Air Travelers

Good manners may be the key to your child’s social success.

On May 9 from 7:15- 8:30 pm – Ms. Cynthia W. Lett, Certified Etiquette Professional and Executive Director of the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals will share her insights on how to help your child be more comfortable in social settings. Participation in this workshop will enhance your working knowledge of important etiquette focused skills and suggestions about how to reinforce them in your child. Specific strategies for children with special needs will be provided.

For information or to register go to www.parentuniv.org

First Impressions Count!

Social Etiquette Training for

11-15 year-olds with Asperger’s

& High Functioning Autism

Cynthia Lett, Certified Etiquette Professional & Susan Abrams, M.A.,CCC-SLP are now offering a new program to focus on social skills for children
ages 11-15 with Asperger’s & High-Functioning Autism. The results of this pro-gram will be a more confident child in social situations with adults and peers. Ms. Lett and Ms. Abrams will be focusing on integrating social thinking concepts and etiquette skills.
Focus will be on:

• meeting new people
• greetings and handshakes
• body language
• conversation skills
• understanding perspective of others
• introductions
• joining and leaving a group graciously

On March 27 we will also have a dining tutorial at a local restaurant to practice social and dining skills at the table.

When: Sundays, March 20 and 27

Time: 3:30pm—5:00pm each date plus 5:30-7pm on March 27 for Dining Tutorial

Where: Fox Hills Center—8300 Burdette Road, Bethesda, MD (corner of River Rd and Burdette Rd—just off the River Road Exit on the Beltway.

Fee:$ 220.00 including dinner

Space is limited. Reservations are required: Call Cynthia Lett at (301) 946-8208 to reserve your seat no later than March 15th.

Parents will take away tip sheets which cover these topics for engaging your child in conversation about Making A Great First Impression

To download the flyer: First Impressions Count for Middle School

Marc Cenedella

Why haven’t they called you back?

The interview went well — you’re pretty sure you nailed that question about how you could contribute to the team’s new mobile initiative — and you really hit it off with the HR person. You’ve got a background in exactly the area they’re looking for and you know you’re perfectly qualified for the role.

So why haven’t they called you back? After all, it’s already been two whole days! Don’t they realize that you’d be perfect and you’re just itching to go?

To paraphrase John Wayne, “Now hold on just a minute there, pilgrim.” (Or maybe that’s Robin Williams impersonating John Wayne, I’m getting my childhood TV mixed up…)

I know you are very, very excited and very eager to find your next role. After all, you deserve it!

But you need to be aware of the company’s timing as much as your own. Of course, because more than one person is involved in the decision, there will be a hiring process. Feedback needs to be collected, budgets need to be consulted, and meetings must be held.

All of which takes time.

So expecting that you’ll be getting feedback or another interview request the very next day after your visit is just a bit unrealistic. As a matter of fact, expecting and assuming that they’ll be following up at all is probably unrealistic these days. You’ll need to be proactive and do the following-up yourself after a reasonable amount of time has passed.

What’s a reasonable time frame? It’s long enough so that it doesn’t seem you’re breathing down their necks, and it’s soon enough so that they don’t think you’ve forgotten.

My advice is to wait a week between call-backs.

Just put it in your calendar — after you’ve had a call, an interview, an e-mail — just jot a note to yourself to follow up seven days later. And forget about it until then — fretting doesn’t make it better.

What should your follow-up calls (better) or e-mails (OK) read like?

“Hi, Mrs. Lee, I had such a wonderful time speaking with you last week and I think I could contribute a lot to Acme. So I’m just following up on our conversations and would love to hear back from you. You can reach me at this phone or that e-mail address.”

or

“Hello, Tom. When we met three weeks ago I mentioned how Ink, Inc. would be a great opportunity to apply my software development management skills in an industry I’m familiar with. So I would very much appreciate the chance to connect and hear what you’re thinking about my candidacy. You can reach me at this phone number.”

In each conversation, you’re trying to remind them of the three Es: you exist, you’re excited, and you’re expecting to hear back from them.

You exist. Now, of course, you haven’t forgotten this since you last spoke with Mrs. Lee or Tom Pruitt, but you know what?, they might have forgotten about you. And it’s not because you’re insignificant or not qualified or not wanted. It’s just with hiring on the upswing, and HR departments and recruiters still under-staffed from the recession, they don’t have time to follow up with all of the people they’ve spoken with. So a gentle reminder that “Hey, I’m here” can remind them of how much they liked you.

You’re excited. Sometimes the candidate with the consistent and persistent enthusiasm can get the nod just for showing sustained interest. Make sure you communicate why you’re interested in the role and why you’d be great.

You’re expecting. Don’t ask them to call back “only” if they’re interested or “only” if there’s an update. You burned up a good few minutes of your time doing the favor of reaching out to them, so ask them to give the favor back in return. Go ahead and politely suggest the return call — it will give you a chance to get them back on the phone, sell yourself some more, and find out what the scoop is on their side.

Also, it’s worth mentioning for good order that there are also three Es you want to avoid. You don’t want to tell them that you’re enraged that you haven’t got the job yet, over eager because you’ve got nothing else going on, or an egomaniac who thinks they should feel lucky that you’re considering them. Nobody wants to hire an angry, desperate jerk.

Keep calling back each week, politely and persistently.

If you’ve got the patience of Job and the stamina of Lou Gehrig, then keep at this for 8-10 weeks. But for most folks, I suggest limiting it to 5. If they haven’t called you back after five weeks, then you probably aren’t going to be hearing from them after 10, and your time is best spent elsewhere. (But don’t give up after three, which is what too many people do — I’ve seen too much luck created on those fourth and fifth calls for you to skip them!)